Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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