You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
