Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
