I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
