My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
