I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
