I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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