Kiss
Puke
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
home. puking in laundry basket.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
