i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
