Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
