Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
