The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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