You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
