She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
