You made me cry and you don't even care
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
