My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
