Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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