Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
