I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
