so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
