Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
