I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
