Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
