Porn is love you can see.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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