for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
