Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
