She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
