WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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