Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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