She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
