i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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