So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
