69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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