I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
