We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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