Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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