Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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