try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
