It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
