Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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