It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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