Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
