Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
