we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
