i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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