All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
