Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
