Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
