my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
