and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
