I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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