Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
