I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
