Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
