I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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