I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
