I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
